Ok…. im so lost i dont get everything keeps changing everyone is leaving me and what sucks the most is that im stuck in this hell hole for the next five years i feel so trapt im mean dont get me wrong i love being a soldier its just it has its downs… Like I didnt even get to be here for my grandmothers last moments I feel like the worst grandchild ever I remember talking to her about going in and she said I didnt need to… That she didnt want me to. But yet im so freaking hard headed that i did it anyway i mean i wouldnt be the person I am today without my family especially my mom… But the army help shape me and mold me…. I love that. But maybe i think i shouldve gone active… Its just like nothing makes since… I dont even get to see my nephews bexause of freaking gambling it makes no sense, I hate it… I feel like I just keep getting punished for stuff I dont even do… I’ve completly done a 360 in my life, I dont party I watch what I do the stuff I used to get excited about  doesnt even excite me nomore. But I feel so selfesh theres people who have it ten times worse then I ever do. I just ……. this world is very wrong this what people live for really… All i want in life is to be a paramedic have kids and be loved and learn how to trust…..  Maybe thats asking to much…… MAybe theres something wrong with me. I just want my nephews back in my life… It kills me everything thats happened.. But somehow I find a way to go about my day with a smile…. All  I do is cry and cry cause somethings always wrong….and the bad thing is soldiers dont cry……………………………………..

OK so I know I havent wrote in awhile on here I am I have alot to say but not really for sure, I just got back from BCT and Ait for the Army  let me tell you that was a big step for me I have completly changed some of my friends tell me they dont like it and they want the old emily back but im not for sure i can do that or want to. They have no idea what I have seen or what I have coming to me. I have a whole new life ahead of me. Im just really nervous about whats all going to happen………………..

Well until i can come up with more to say il come and say

Grandma,

You are one of the strongest person I know I look up to you. I see that your in pain and I understand well I try to understand. I love you so much, everything will get easier I promise your in Gods hands youve always been in Gods Hands, He sees that your in pain we all see it. None of us want you in pain we wanna see you happy. I know were your going when you pass youll be STANDING next to God and Jesus With Grandpa watching over all of us. We all love you its ok whatever you know is best for you 2 do will all understand. We love you so much. You are one amazing woman thank you for always being there.

                                                                  Your Granddaughter,

                                                                             Emily Sky

Ok tonight was so crazy my boyfriend and me got into again it was so horrible. He was grabbing me on my arm trying to get me to stay> Like he wants me to forgive him for what he did I mean come on he was cheating on me the whole time we were together and he says that it wasnt the whole time but i beg to differ. I just need time to heal and he wont give it to me. But I dont wanna loose him I love him so much. He is my everything and he doesnt even know it. He said that I need to start to show him that I care . But I do. Gezz I dont know Im just so heart borken and confused. I do love him I do…

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